Why am I here?, she questions as she passes bare hospital walls, her long black bangs brushing against her face
She looks out the sealed windows and wonders what her life could have been.
This place is a prison, she has been here all her life.
She is an ugly, hallow child.
I am nothing better than this, I am nothing better than this, she repeats to herself again and again.
This shell she is now, was once a beautiful girl becoming a woman. Full of spirit and creativity.
She does remember the thief.
He stole her from herself many years ago.
If only she could speak, if only she could tell them of him. If only these lips weren’t dead, she would tell them this story.
If anyone wants to hear me, my name is Violet. I haven’t seen the sun in two years.
Grandmother always made the best Sunday dinners, and the whole family gathered around the table. I would do my best to be a part of the adult debates of politics and the sermons at church. After we ate, the adults went outside to smoke cigars and reminisce. The children, including myself, went into the musty basement and made up crazy stories. My favorite cousin Christopher always let me start. I told of a different world where my mind lived.
One particular Sunday, we all decided to play hide and go seek. Christopher said I could be his partner. I was so excited, because he was always the best at everything.
We picked a great spot in an old unused shower. Christopher held my waist and told me not to make a peep.
A few minutes later, Christopher locked the bathroom door, he said it wasn’t cheating, so I was just more excited we would win. Christopher pressed his body up against mine repeatedly and touched his jeans.
He kissed me on the lips, and then kissed my shirt. I knew it was okay, because Christopher loved me.
He touched my breasts and licked them. I started to giggle and he slapped me hard. I knew why, I had to be quit so they wouldn’t find us. There was a knock on the door and Christopher stopped. He said don’t tell because it was a secret hide and seek rule. I loved Christopher.
This became a routine.
About 4 months later, Christopher stopped loving me.. He wouldn’t talk to me.
I said, Christopher, hold me like you did before. He slapped me again and said don’t speak of it.
Three Sundays later, everything was okay. He talked to me and played a board game with me.
He told me that if I didn’t tell, he would love me again.
Later in the night, Christopher approached me and said it was time.
He took me into the basement, but then someone knocked. Our cousin Zachary walked in, and asked Christopher to stay the night at his house.
Christopher said yes, and I began to cry.
I was so afraid he wouldn’t love me anymore.
Christopher said if I let him “stick it in” he would stay. I wasn’t quit sure what that meant, but I said okay.
He shooed Zachary off and hurriedly took of his pants. He pulled my pants down and looked at me. All of a sudden, the look of love he had changed . It wasn’t Christopher holding me, it was a monster.
He slammed me onto the concrete. He pushed himself into me. A great pain ran through my whole body. He moved up and down faster and faster. He pushed my body further down, crushing me. He moaned and touched my breasts. He bit them and he scratched me. My whole body went numb and I shook uncontrollably. pushing and pushing, harder and harder. It hurt so bad and a pool of blood lay beneath me. He just kept pushing harder and harder. I said, Christopher, do you love me? Christopher pushed one last time and punched my face. He pressed his hands against me mouth until I couldn’t breathe.
I haven’t said a word since.